so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.