Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS