just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dating After Heartbreak
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??