Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.