the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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