i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
