Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize