it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
