he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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