I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
