At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
