My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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