I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
