i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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