Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
