i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
