I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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