So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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