so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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