We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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