There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
