I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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