thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dicks are not precious.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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