Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
