The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I lost the right to judge tonight
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
