I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
