Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
