If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
