he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
