some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
