I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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