Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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