community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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