nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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