do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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