Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
