well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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