yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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