Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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