you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
