I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
