How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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