This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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