Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize