Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
