Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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