Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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