No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
