saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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