I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I could make wine with my vomit
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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