Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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