my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
