Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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