He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
