So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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