Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
