I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
