My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
