I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
