i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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