I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
