I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
