1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
