just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
