I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
