Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you would pick up someone in the library
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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