shes about as inviting as chlamydia
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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