I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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